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04/05/97
Students Handed Out A Footballing Lesson
by Jeremy Ruane (LFC(Hons), BSoccer)
Weekend lessons have always been a bit of a “no-go” amongst the student fraternity, but every so often one is scheduled which is a “must attend”, if you have any intention of passing your final exams in the subject.

One such lesson was set down for Sunday, May 4, in the grounds of Auckland University’s Tamaki Campus. The lecture theatre was Colin Maiden #4, the subject football, and the instructors came from a recently established school in the heart of Central Auckland, Three Kings United.

The students, who were surprisingly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed given that it was still relatively early (10.45) on a typical autumn Sunday morning - one must remember, of course, that any time before midday on any given day is relatively early for a student!! - were let out of school nearly two hours later, having been taught a number of aspects on their chosen subject, not the least of which was eleven different ways in which to legitimately score goals.

The first lesson in this discipline was administered just six minutes into the class by the appointed leader of the instructors, Michele Cox. The students were given a first-hand demonstration in creating a goal out of nothing, and in finding the net from twenty yards.

More such exhibits were to follow, but the instructors occasionally found some resistance to their ideas, with Patricia Woodworth, wearing a green uniform in contrast to her fellow students’ blue-and-white ensemble, a prime offender. Maria Wilkie was the first to encounter this obstacle, while numerous of her fellows were also forced to recognise the stand-in goalkeeper’s desire to keep the ball from crossing the line as the lesson continued.

Pernille Andersen, with assistance from Jane Simpson, delivered the second item on the agenda in the seventeenth minute. The art of turning defence into attack was explored, as was that of nutmegging the ‘keeper!

Seven minutes later, Beth Clark showed the students how to pull a sweeper out of position, thus creating space for a team-mate. Wilkie then exhibited the textbook cross to the far post, from where Andersen executed the perfect header - 3-0.

No sooner had Andersen demonstrated this facet of the game then she was showing the youngsters how to punish a goalkeeping error from close range, this after Margot Bowker had been allowed a free run at goal by the stunned students!!

For much of the remainder of the half, the lecturers drew the students’ attention to the practice of making the ball do the work. Their often intricate, sometimes breathtaking but always incisive, flowing raids frequently had their attentive audience chasing shadows, such was the quality of their play, which was enhanced by any number of first-time passes.

Such attractive football gained little reward, however. Wilkie hit the crossbar, and on three occasions was denied by Woodworth, as were Jeannie Grant and Simpson, once apiece. Andersen, Simpson and Marlies Oostdam were off-target with efforts before the break.

The students occasionally sought to demonstrate that the benefits of this lecture were quickly being absorbed. Zoe Albon and Lily Somerfield both tried their hand at long-range shooting, and neither was that far away - Albon’s eighteenth minute strike was, in fact, just a foot off the mark.

After the interval, Three Kings quickly revived interest in their footballing lesson with a cluster of quick goals. Goalkeeper Rachel Howard’s throw-out was gathered by the speedy Wilkie, who accelerated out of her own half and didn’t stop running until she’d fired the ball over Woodworth and into the back of the net for goal number five, in the 47th minute.

Two minutes later, Wilkie got her second, a tap-in after Grant and, in particular, Andersen, had created an opening on the left. A further two minutes elapsed when Andersen again got to the byline and pulled the ball back for Clark, who wrong-footed the ‘keeper before finishing stylishly.

Three goals in six minutes - a hard-earned lesson for the students, namely one of tuning in from the restart. Meantime, a Wilkie error allowed Natalie Davies, with Somerfield the class’s brightest prospect, the chance to shoot, only for Howard to pull off a super reflex save, a feat she repeated from the same player later in the game.

Normal service resumed in the 55th minute, the goal accredited to Andersen, despite Janet Groves being the last person to touch the ball before it crossed the line.

By now, Three Kings were queuing up to get in a shot on goal. Oostdam, Bowker, Cox, Wilkie and Melita Harrison all had a go before the hour mark, with Harrison eventually extending the lead to 9-0 soon after, prodding home from close-range following an Oostdam corner.

It was a similar outcome in the 74th minute, following another teasing corner from Clark. Lucy Lu, beyond the far post, drilled the ball back into the danger zone, with the ball crossing the line after a scramble. Harrison led the claimants seeking credit for it, although it’s not the sort of goal which her current study subject, Franz Beckenbauer, was famous for!! That said, Beckenbauer never had the linesman diving for cover when he looked to clear his lines, a feat Harrison achieved with aplomb late in the game!!

The final goal of the day came twelve minutes from time, a result of a poor Woodworth goal kick. Jane Neary administered this lesson, firing the ball straight back into an unguarded goal to round off an 11-0 win.

There were a couple of late strikes which also found the net, but Bowker and Clark, twice, were denied by the offside ruling given by Hengo Sioneloto, a guest lecturer who specialises in law enforcement!!

The whistle sounded to finish class soon after, and, though bleary-eyed and brow-beaten, the young pretenders nonetheless left the lecture theatre in good heart, with plans to put into practice in their next match what they had just been taught. Their lecturers had been thorough, seeing the job through right to the finish - one of the best weekend lessons so far.


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